Ramadan Rewind- Two Weeks Down!

First day of camp Job while fasting , only an hour and a half in , we did a tour of the campsite and its hot and muggy out, already exhausted 😫

God help me through the rest of this week and next week. This week won't be as bad cause it's just training for the job so I'm not with kids yet but I I'm worried about what it'll be like next week. Also it's basically almost the last ten days of Ramadan which are more special in rewards and I haven't been reaching my goals of reading Quran everyday and at least praying on time . It's beginning to feel like I'm a failure. 

So fast forward three days later , I started training on Tuesday and now is my last day of training on Friday. Next week the camp starts so the last week of Ramadan I'll be with children in a summer camp and doing a lot more activity that I have been doing in training! I'm surprised at my strength and resilience this week though , it's been more tough being outside in the heat and hiking up areas in the woods. Yesterday we had to do a swim test , to see if we could swim so when our campers are here we can be with them in the water and ensure their safety. I haven't swam in such a long time , it's hard to find a private place as a Muslim woman to uncover and swim comfortably. So I was definitely nervous. I went in and swam a length of the pool. That part was easy but we had to tread water in the deep end of the pool and I remember gasping because I was struggling to stay afloat , I have no idea if it was because I'm that out of shape or because I was tired from swimming the length of the pool or because I had little energy because I was fasting. Either way I survived I didn't drown , otherwise I wouldn't be able to be telling you this story lol. 

So I guess to recap since I'm so sorry guys I haven't been blogging everyday like I said I would , I have a tendency to say I'll do things without realizing that sometimes I overwhelm myself with too much responsibility. Being a young adult sucks , realizing that it's not all fun , most of the time you're too tired to have fun or enjoy doing anything cause you're working and going to school so much. The first week of Ramadan I fasted two days and then got my period so I stopped fasting for five days and I also caught a cold so was sick , so when I was able to fast again five days later I was fasting while sick. It wasn't serious sickness like I just needed sleep and rest and it was during the weekend so I could get rest and was getting better despite fasting. If I had been seriously ill I would have waited to start fasting again but it was just a cold and it wasn't harmful to my health to fast. 

So then Monday June 5th I went back to work and it was my first day of being at work and fasting. It was actually not bad , I work at an elementary school with preschoolers , so they eat breakfast and lunch and it was weird not eating with them. I usually like to eat with them and it's definitely weird fasting and having people eat around you but it happens you can't always avoid it. It was the last week of school so it was a pretty stressful work week actually, during Ramadan you don't actually sleep much at night because you break your fast and then attend the night prayer called Taraweeh which can go until midnight or later , and then by the time you get home it's time to eat your suhoor , which is the meal before sunrise so you have more energy the next day. But since I work full time early in the mornings and I don't have transportation of my own to be going to the night prayer. Which is a little sad , I'll admit it's a long prayer and I don't have great focus , but it does make you spiritually appreciate Ramadan the gathering of everyone to pray for an hour or so. 

The last week of working at the elementary school while fasting was kinda tough too because it finally got hot , and we don't spend too much time outside but when we went to the playground even for five minutes I'm hot and swearing and looking for shade to hide behind while doing my job. The one thing I crave working in the heat outside is cold water. Since it was the last week there were a lot of cold treats like popsicles and freezes and it's definitely tempting to drink and eat it especially if you're feeling hot and sweaty and gross. 

So I also Saturday June 10th had an Iftar party at my house , that was fun I had five or so friends visit and I went grocery shopping. Which was funny because there's a Trader Joe's right next to my house and I walked there to eat everything I needed and my house is like two blocks away but carrying five bags of groceries is always a struggle especially when you aren't at your fullest energy. But I made it work without collapsing or dropping my groceries. Cooking was interesting too because traditionally if I was staying with my grandma I would be in the kitchen with her like two hours before frying and preparing food. But since I live on my own and I'm just preparing food for me , I usually eat small snacks or foods that don't take a long time to prepare. I haven't stayed on my goal of eating healthy this Ramadan, whenever theres free food available to me it's usually junk food and I'll take it home and eat it for Iftar. I've also been terrible at waking up for the suhoor meal before sunrise, I'm so tired and sleep through my alarm. I did notice thought the one or two times I did wake up and eat or drink , I wasn't as hungry or thirsty the next day.  I wish I could make it more of a habit but being consistent for me is difficult. 

So now this week , which is the second to last week in Ramadan like I mentioned in the beginning of this blog post (sorry it's so long!) I'm working on training for a Jewish summer camp. This is a new experience for me , I've attended  camps and been a counselor but they were three day camps. This week of training has been rough because again I'm craving water being in the outdoors and we do a lot of walking and hiking and exploring and running and it's tiring not just because I'm fasting but I'm not a very active person. The no water and food makes it a little more difficult, but I am proud of myself for not having fainted and to keep going despite not having as much strength. 

Overall it's been a tough Ramadan because of my busy schedule but that's life and I have to fight the temptations of water, and listening to music (I don't normally but for some reason the urge has popped up recently) and trying to pray. I think the reason my experience hasn't been going well is because I'm not surrounded by other Muslims who are encouraging and uplifting me. The community and family support during this month is crucial because they are going through similar experiences, help you make food, read Quran and do good deeds together. But I have to be strong and independent and realize I have to push and motivate myself to pray and read more Quran and to reap all the rewards I can. The last ten days are starting and some people will do Itikaaf , which means people basically the last ten days stay overnight in the Masjid praying and reading Quran all night and maybe sleeping during the day or going home and coming back. The importance of doing this is because in the last ten days we don't know much day but there's a night called Layl Tul Qadr which translates to mean the "Night of power" or the "Night of Decree" which if you are praying or doing worship on this night , it's as if you were praying or fasting for either the whole of Ramadan or years (I can't remember the exact length) 

in the Qur’an: The Night of Decree is better than a thousand months. The angels and the Spirit descend therein by permission of their Lord for every matter. Peace it is until the emergence of dawn. [Qur’an: 97:3-5

Click to read more: http://productivemuslim.com/laylatul-qadr-worship-plan-to-maximise-the-last-10-nights-of-ramadan/#ixzz4kBfj9J00 

So I apologize again for putting off blogging in between being sick and busy with working and school when I had free time I slept or did nothing. I did really want to blog everyday but things don't always go how you want or expect or plan them to. I guess what's important is I tried and what's also important is if like me , you feel like you haven't been as productive this Ramadan to remember you still have time and to keep going and trying In Sha Allah. 

So I'm signing off , have to get back to work , I will try my best to post a few times before Ramadan is over ! Good luck the last ten nights , May Allah help us get the rewards and work hard these last ten nights! 

Thanks for reading 💕