Self Confidence- Learning To Accept Our Faults and Love Who We Are
At some point in time, you have felt insecure, felt hopeless , felt unworthy and not good enough for something or someone.
It is a natural to doubt ourselves, to lack confidence in what we are capabale of, who we are and what we look like.
Learning to love ourselves, accept our imperfections and grow to push past any negativity we come across and tell ourselves is a lifetime process and journey to a happier and healthier you.
we all have been faced with a task that seemed impossible, and the little voice in your ear tells you, "you can't do it, you aren't ready, you aren't smart enough, brave enough, you won't ever be able to do this, you won't be able to accomplish your goals is dreams"
For our skills/abilities: RECOGNIZE YOU WILL NOT BE GOOD AT EVERYTHING! Sometimes we try so hard to be perfect and want to be able to perform well at everything. It is okay to work hard and try your best but don't kill yourself trying to always be the best. Sometimes you will have studied weeks for a test and get a passing grade but not the perfect score we wanted. We will have practiced months for a basketball or soccer game and still have lost the game.
LEARN ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT. What is your best skill? What is something you enjoy doing that you are good at? Focus on those abilities! If you are good at sports keep going and set goals to play with others for fun or professionally! If you are good at science or math pursue a career that involves those subjects and help others in the world! If you are good with kids you can babysit or work at a school! If you are good at writing and public speaking do those things!
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. In order to be good at anything you have to take the time to be better at it, no one is good at something overnight it takes time, hard work and dedication. If you are not good at a skill in the beginning, ask advice from others around you to get better at this skill and keep practicing and don't give up.
In our relationships: WITH FAMILY- What I have realized is that sometimes family are the most critical of us, they want the best for us so sometimes they criticize us because they are showing they love us and care about us so want us to be better. Criticism is fine but to a certain extent it becomes too much and hurtful. It can hurt your confidence to be around them when they are constantly pointing out our flaws. If this is the case, limit your time around them but do your best to keep them in your life and take their advice when necessary and don't let their criticism make you less confidence about yourself.
WITH FRIENDS- Friends are people we choose so unlike family you get to choose who gets to be a part of your life so CHOOSE WISELY. Your friends are a reflection of who you are and they can heavily influence you in a good or bad way. Surround yourself with individuals who have similar beliefs and values so they can encourage and push you to be better without being harsh and judgmental. Friends also come and go but the ones that matter and care the most will always be there. A good friend will help you be confident when you unsure about yourself.
WITH COWORKERS- This one can be difficult because when you are choosing a job and career you are not choosing it based on the people you may potentially work with. So this can be difficult to navigate because most people may appear to be kind in the beginning but you may not work well together. My suggestion would be to try to get along with your coworkers to the best of your ability, most work environments people will be nice but sometimes you may be in a job where they are not. Remember that you are there to work and get an income not to be best friends with your coworkers. Do not let them bully you and lower your confidence because they are not nice and don't like how you work, if it becomes too unbearable and stressful please find an alternative place to work because you do not deserve to be harassed or disrespected in the work place!
Ignoring that voice in your head is difficult , convincing yourself you are good enough to do something whether it's go to college, move to a new place, apply for a new job and get hired, talk to your crush or meet your hero, endless other possibilities. It starts with recognizing what or whom in your life is making you feel insecure and lack confidence. Before we look at ways to gain confidence I think it is good to take some time to understand why people are insecure.
What Do People Usually Lack Confidence In?
1) Abilities/ skills/ knowledge
2) Appearance- inner beauty- our personality, character, manners and outer beauty- our looks and features
3) Relationships- familial, friendships, professional
Reasons People Lack Confidence:
- growing up in a hostile /toxic/abusive home, you can feel unconfident leaving in a home that is unloving, unsupportive and you are shouted at and call names
- being bullied in school (or other places as well) for your appearance, race, religion, etc
- having anxiety, depression, any sort of disability or mental illness
- Having to struggle more and work harder to understand certain topics or subjects, takes you longer to complete certain tasks therefore making you feel stupid/unintelligent / inferior - beat yourself up over it,
- Beauty standards- magazines and media make us feel imperfect, we lack confidence in how we look , told by others that we are too fat, nose too big, our bottoms too small, etc
How Can We Build Our Confidence?
Well first it is important for us to realize that being confident can take us a lifetime and there will be times where our confidence dips depending on our life experiences. It won't be over It is a process that we continuously have to work on so we do not fall into a pit of despair, darkness and hopelessness.
For our appearance: Write out a list of things you like about yourself, what's your favorite feature about yourself? Focus on that feature whenever you start to feel ugly and tell yourself this is my best feature and Thank God I have it! If there is anything about yourself that you want to work on, loosing weight, getting fit or toned, try to set goals to make yourself feel healthier and better about yourself! Easier said than done but the road to self confidence about your looks means if you don't like something about yourself that you do have CONTROL over, to put in the work to be happier. Things like your nose or a birth mark or the size of your lips, I wouldn't recommend trying to do surgery to be more confident.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS.
This is something i always do and it makes me hate myself and resent others whose body types or features I like better than my own. Tell yourself hey they are beautiful and even if I don't look like them I am beautiful too. It makes you feel worse when you keep looking at others and telling yourself you want what they have or to look like them or be like them . YOU ARE UNIQUE AND A CREATION OF GOD, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!
it is totally fine to be inspired by someone else working out and use them as a goal to work towards but don't put yourself down and say they look better than you !
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH OTHERS WHO WILL UPLIFT YOU. Sometimes it is impossible to love yourself when other people are pointing out your flaws and insecurities. We already feel bad about certain parts of what we look like why is someone else adding on to that? Family is hard to avoid if they are the ones beating you down but limit your time with them if you can. And surround yourself with friends who will make you feel special, beautiful and talented!
IF YOU CAN HELP IT WATCH LESS VIDEOS/BOOKS/MAGAZINES THAT FOCUS ON MODELS THAT ARE STICK THIN (APPEAR TO BE PERFECT). You can be interested in fashion and makeup it is totally cool but it warps our ideas of what is beautiful ! most of the time those photographs of models are so edited that are not even what the person looks like in real life. We shouldn't focus so much on these images which make us feel bad about ourselves and feel like we should be a certain body type.
For our skills/abilities: RECOGNIZE YOU WILL NOT BE GOOD AT EVERYTHING! Sometimes we try so hard to be perfect and want to be able to perform well at everything. It is okay to work hard and try your best but don't kill yourself trying to always be the best. Sometimes you will have studied weeks for a test and get a passing grade but not the perfect score we wanted. We will have practiced months for a basketball or soccer game and still have lost the game.
LEARN ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT. What is your best skill? What is something you enjoy doing that you are good at? Focus on those abilities! If you are good at sports keep going and set goals to play with others for fun or professionally! If you are good at science or math pursue a career that involves those subjects and help others in the world! If you are good with kids you can babysit or work at a school! If you are good at writing and public speaking do those things!
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. In order to be good at anything you have to take the time to be better at it, no one is good at something overnight it takes time, hard work and dedication. If you are not good at a skill in the beginning, ask advice from others around you to get better at this skill and keep practicing and don't give up.
In our relationships: WITH FAMILY- What I have realized is that sometimes family are the most critical of us, they want the best for us so sometimes they criticize us because they are showing they love us and care about us so want us to be better. Criticism is fine but to a certain extent it becomes too much and hurtful. It can hurt your confidence to be around them when they are constantly pointing out our flaws. If this is the case, limit your time around them but do your best to keep them in your life and take their advice when necessary and don't let their criticism make you less confidence about yourself.
WITH FRIENDS- Friends are people we choose so unlike family you get to choose who gets to be a part of your life so CHOOSE WISELY. Your friends are a reflection of who you are and they can heavily influence you in a good or bad way. Surround yourself with individuals who have similar beliefs and values so they can encourage and push you to be better without being harsh and judgmental. Friends also come and go but the ones that matter and care the most will always be there. A good friend will help you be confident when you unsure about yourself.
WITH COWORKERS- This one can be difficult because when you are choosing a job and career you are not choosing it based on the people you may potentially work with. So this can be difficult to navigate because most people may appear to be kind in the beginning but you may not work well together. My suggestion would be to try to get along with your coworkers to the best of your ability, most work environments people will be nice but sometimes you may be in a job where they are not. Remember that you are there to work and get an income not to be best friends with your coworkers. Do not let them bully you and lower your confidence because they are not nice and don't like how you work, if it becomes too unbearable and stressful please find an alternative place to work because you do not deserve to be harassed or disrespected in the work place!
Loving yourself and who you are is a life long journey, I hope you can become confident in who you are, in your relationships and in your appearance without being arrogant or prideful. Remember you are human as well so be humble as well and remember you were not created to be perfect.
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