Am I a Good Person? Knowing Your Authentic Self
Asalam alaykum loves! Hope you are doing well and May Allah bless you for all that you do and for coming across my post and reading it! Sometimes I get ideas and worry I will forget so blogging or writing them down help me to reflect or reference when I need some inspiration or a reminder.
So I was thinking about how someone said to me recently "You are a good person." Part of me is like confusion, the person that is saying this doesn't know me well enough to really comment on my personality and manners but thank you I suppose! I know some people are a good judge of character and can tell from spending a short amount of time talking to someone or being around them, they already know this person is genuine and kind. From experience though I know some people can pretend to be someone they are not, and are good at being manipulative and displaying that they are caring when truly they don't. Honestly that is sad though, I hope that you are protected from people like that and we ourselves never become people who we are not real, or pretend to be better than we are.
I am not sure who said this quote, but I think it is a 100% true. If you follow me on Snapchat, the other day I went on a mini talk/rant about how people how are famous online and in real life, they sometimes start off being authentic, being true to themselves and talking about topics or hobbies they are truly interested in. Overtime because of the fame and trying to please your audience and compete with other influencers to get the most likes and comments, they lose who they are. A lot of the time they upkeep this persona and personality just for the views which of course sometimes leads to an income that is beyond what they have experienced before. So in order to continue raking in that money, they obviously have to continue to be somebody else to make sure they stay relevant.
I am not going to name any names but there was an incident recently where a Instagram account that was known for talking about Islam and giving reminders and advice , it came out recently that they were not Muslim. Alahoo Alam, I really have not followed this page or heard much about them until this incident and I ask that we minimize any gossip around them (cause ultimately it hurts you) and just pray for them to be guided to the straight path. May Allah guide them to be the best of Muslims.
The reason I even mention it is again because surrounding the question of what makes us good people and how in today's day and age it is easy to forget who we are and be someone we are not for others. This goes for people who aren't even famous as well. The other day I heard about women who purposefully change who they are to suit their partners taste. Most of us think and tell ourselves oh this person can change, we try to change them or they try to change us, small things maybe habits can change but a whole personality is another story. Suppressing who you are just to please your partner, maybe you can keep it up for awhile but eventually parts of your old self will resurface and there will be resentment towards your partner. The example that was given to me was basically a cup that keeps getting filled up and whatever is in it is balanced, it is okay for the time being, but overtime it overflows and everything comes spilling out.
So everyone that pretends to be something they are not, they are hurting themselves in the end, other people might like the fake you, but you know that you probably can't keep pretending forever. Also in terms of pretending to be something, those that do it in public, it usually gets exposed or revealed who you truly are in the end. So that quote above I don't think it refers to someone who keeps their sins private because they want 1) to not let others know what they are doing, cause something done publicly has to be addressed 2) they are keeping their wrongdoing between them and Allah. If you do something privately, you seek forgiveness from Allah and repent and try your best to not go back to it, maybe do some good deeds to outweigh or erase that sin. When something is committed publicly, that is a whole other ballgame , because you are shamed publicly, it has to be addressed by other people to let you know hey this is wrong because one of the parts about being Muslim is adjoining the good and forbidding the bad. Then you have to address what you did wrong, explain it and apologize, and that has to be tough emotionally and the backlash you will get can be messed up.
Here is my thing, there is always a lesson that comes about from situations like this. Yes someone got exposed for who they really are and it is messed up that they were pretending and leading their audience on. BUT we also have to realizes as an audience, they are still HUMAN. Their life is more public and they open up and show a lot more of their personal information than your average person does. They share their lives or their interests or ideas online for the entertainment and benefit of others. So because they share so much, it is easy for them to also mess up or fall into the trap of trying to do all these crazy things for views or put on a different persona for likes. So we get so upset at them because to us they have become role models, we idolized them and loved them and maybe they inspired us and we relied heavily on them for the information or entertainment.
What we fail to realize, is even though their sins have become public, even if they were faking or leading a whole other life than what they have shown us, which is wrong, they still deserve mercy and forgiveness. They can come up from their mistakes and become better people. I remember I used to watch this YouTube family all the time, and everyone found out one of the parents cheated on the other one. The person who cheated was getting all this hate and shame also because they were a Christian couple. They separated and moved on with their lives and their children are happy and healthy now which is all that matters in the end. I remember being sad that they had split and watching their relationship previously and wishing for something similar one day. Obviously I have changed my mind now and also have realized showing family and your marriage/partner online is something I would either avoid or do very little in the future. Privacy is definitely better for that.
What I liked about the person who cheated though, was they did not sugar coat it, they did make excuses for themselves at first, but came out later and said, what I did was wrong and I realized the consequences of my actions hurt the people I loved. It is amazing when someone admits that.
I guess my point in mentioning all this is that everyone deserves forgiveness and be careful who you look up to. Scholars, sheikhs, Imams, famous Muslims online, they are capable of sins because they are not perfect and we should not hold them to such a high pedestal to the point that when they do mess up, we give up on them entirely or admonish them for not being better.
So I was thinking about how someone said to me recently "You are a good person." Part of me is like confusion, the person that is saying this doesn't know me well enough to really comment on my personality and manners but thank you I suppose! I know some people are a good judge of character and can tell from spending a short amount of time talking to someone or being around them, they already know this person is genuine and kind. From experience though I know some people can pretend to be someone they are not, and are good at being manipulative and displaying that they are caring when truly they don't. Honestly that is sad though, I hope that you are protected from people like that and we ourselves never become people who we are not real, or pretend to be better than we are.
"Whatever is hidden in the darkness will eventually come to the light."
I am not sure who said this quote, but I think it is a 100% true. If you follow me on Snapchat, the other day I went on a mini talk/rant about how people how are famous online and in real life, they sometimes start off being authentic, being true to themselves and talking about topics or hobbies they are truly interested in. Overtime because of the fame and trying to please your audience and compete with other influencers to get the most likes and comments, they lose who they are. A lot of the time they upkeep this persona and personality just for the views which of course sometimes leads to an income that is beyond what they have experienced before. So in order to continue raking in that money, they obviously have to continue to be somebody else to make sure they stay relevant.
I am not going to name any names but there was an incident recently where a Instagram account that was known for talking about Islam and giving reminders and advice , it came out recently that they were not Muslim. Alahoo Alam, I really have not followed this page or heard much about them until this incident and I ask that we minimize any gossip around them (cause ultimately it hurts you) and just pray for them to be guided to the straight path. May Allah guide them to be the best of Muslims.
The reason I even mention it is again because surrounding the question of what makes us good people and how in today's day and age it is easy to forget who we are and be someone we are not for others. This goes for people who aren't even famous as well. The other day I heard about women who purposefully change who they are to suit their partners taste. Most of us think and tell ourselves oh this person can change, we try to change them or they try to change us, small things maybe habits can change but a whole personality is another story. Suppressing who you are just to please your partner, maybe you can keep it up for awhile but eventually parts of your old self will resurface and there will be resentment towards your partner. The example that was given to me was basically a cup that keeps getting filled up and whatever is in it is balanced, it is okay for the time being, but overtime it overflows and everything comes spilling out.
So everyone that pretends to be something they are not, they are hurting themselves in the end, other people might like the fake you, but you know that you probably can't keep pretending forever. Also in terms of pretending to be something, those that do it in public, it usually gets exposed or revealed who you truly are in the end. So that quote above I don't think it refers to someone who keeps their sins private because they want 1) to not let others know what they are doing, cause something done publicly has to be addressed 2) they are keeping their wrongdoing between them and Allah. If you do something privately, you seek forgiveness from Allah and repent and try your best to not go back to it, maybe do some good deeds to outweigh or erase that sin. When something is committed publicly, that is a whole other ballgame , because you are shamed publicly, it has to be addressed by other people to let you know hey this is wrong because one of the parts about being Muslim is adjoining the good and forbidding the bad. Then you have to address what you did wrong, explain it and apologize, and that has to be tough emotionally and the backlash you will get can be messed up.
Here is my thing, there is always a lesson that comes about from situations like this. Yes someone got exposed for who they really are and it is messed up that they were pretending and leading their audience on. BUT we also have to realizes as an audience, they are still HUMAN. Their life is more public and they open up and show a lot more of their personal information than your average person does. They share their lives or their interests or ideas online for the entertainment and benefit of others. So because they share so much, it is easy for them to also mess up or fall into the trap of trying to do all these crazy things for views or put on a different persona for likes. So we get so upset at them because to us they have become role models, we idolized them and loved them and maybe they inspired us and we relied heavily on them for the information or entertainment.
What we fail to realize, is even though their sins have become public, even if they were faking or leading a whole other life than what they have shown us, which is wrong, they still deserve mercy and forgiveness. They can come up from their mistakes and become better people. I remember I used to watch this YouTube family all the time, and everyone found out one of the parents cheated on the other one. The person who cheated was getting all this hate and shame also because they were a Christian couple. They separated and moved on with their lives and their children are happy and healthy now which is all that matters in the end. I remember being sad that they had split and watching their relationship previously and wishing for something similar one day. Obviously I have changed my mind now and also have realized showing family and your marriage/partner online is something I would either avoid or do very little in the future. Privacy is definitely better for that.
What I liked about the person who cheated though, was they did not sugar coat it, they did make excuses for themselves at first, but came out later and said, what I did was wrong and I realized the consequences of my actions hurt the people I loved. It is amazing when someone admits that.
I guess my point in mentioning all this is that everyone deserves forgiveness and be careful who you look up to. Scholars, sheikhs, Imams, famous Muslims online, they are capable of sins because they are not perfect and we should not hold them to such a high pedestal to the point that when they do mess up, we give up on them entirely or admonish them for not being better.
When you make a mistake or hurt someone , would you not want them to forgive you? Isn't it hard sometimes trying to get that person to forgive you or understand your reasons for screwing up? Isn't the shame and anger you feel at yourself for what you did, almost crushing? Can you imagine thousands of others adding their disappointment and opinion about your mistake without trying to give you leeway?
Let us show others the same mercy, understanding and excuse making we give ourselves. This does not mean pointing out this person messed up but realizing that could have been you, it could someday be you. So pray for their guidance and for Allah to show them the right way.
Back to being your authentic self though, I realized in the past, I was trying so hard to please certain groups of people I lost myself in the process. I was trying to act a certain way around my family, another way around coworkers, another way around religious friends and another way around non religious friends. It became exhausting, I felt torn apart like how Voldemort put pieces of his soul in different objects called Horcruxes. (shoutout to my potter fans) Eventually it eats you up inside and you break down because you put on all these different faces depending on who you are with, you don't know which one is the real you anymore. I had to stop and take time away from certain people to gather the pieces and make myself whole again.
So some people can say oh you are a good person but I think to myself, you might say that but there is a lot more to me that you don't see. No I am not saying I am an evil person and I lowkey kill people on the side or I have a side hustle selling drugs. More like there is more to a person than meets the eye, and Allah conceals my flaws and my sins. I know for me I could be a better person, yes you will always be improving but I know there are parts of me that I wouldn't call good. Parts of me only Allah knows that I wish to erase or improve on. Allah knows all the good and bad I have done and that I may appear good but to Allah I can be a better grateful and submissive slave to. That the good that others see I don't push myself to show my good side to Him by worshiping Him Day and Night.
Whenever someone compliments you, say "May Allah make me better than what you think of me."
Also "May Allah protect me from any arrogance, hypocrisy and allow me humble myself."
May we continue to strive and work on improving our relationship with Allah and with people who accept us for who we are and do not try to change us, May we love ourselves and change only because we want to and not to please others. Ameen.
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