Making People a Priority Who Don't Do the Same For You
Asalam alaykum loves! I feel like this topic is like uhh we have heard that before, it is obvious advice, been there, done that, but sometimes hearing something and experiencing it, makes it all the more clear. I realize having the type of personality where you are a people pleaser and you want everyone to like and accept you, comes with all types of consequences. It comes with allowing people into your life who do not treat you with the same respect and care that you give them.
It comes with age and with age comes wisdom, people do not always come into our lives to stay in our lives. Sometimes they appear for a short period of time to teach us a lesson, to make us sad, angry or confused but then later on it all makes sense. They were never meant to be a permanent part of your life, they just helped add to the growth of your character. Even if the short time you experienced their presence was happy and blissful, their appearance was not for long because they were simply a short term blessing.
A short term blessing? How does that even make sense. Well in my head, it is something or someone that is around temporarily, it could even be a job, program or relationship, that after it is done and gone, you realize that the ups and downs of your emotions are gone, you feel more at peace and complete. This short term blessing was only around to help you realize you can live without this, it was only brought into your life by Allah to make you appreciate what you do have or what could be in your future. It was there to push you to become more self reliant, notice the warning signs, and to give you a bigger understanding of what is and is not important to keep your mental health in check.
Short term blessings can be a good thing, they are not always negative. When they are over though, you realize you can move on without feeling so empty and emotionally drained. The blessing was meant to give you something you already had inside of yourself, it just needed encouragement and an outside source to bring it out into the open. I have to give credit to even the people who have hurt me or taken advantage of me, those people may have harmed me in some way, but I grew to learn to stay away from those types of people and to be more tough. To speak up when I feel uncomfortable or disrespected. If it were not for those people, I would have had to learn an even more difficult lesson in a more chaotic way. They may have caused me to shed tears or lose hope, or feel very small and unintelligent but through this process I learned to stand firm and remember Allah will be there for me. To remember that even if the person who wronged me does not get back the pain they dealt to me in this life, that Allah will seek justice on my behalf or on anyone's behalf who was hurt by another in the hereafter. It gives me comfort and the freedom to let go of any anger or pain because I can hand over my burdens and problems to Allah and seek help through patience, prayer and caring companions.
So on the subject at hand, making people a priority when sometimes you aren't even a blip on their radar. You are more like the plant in their home, they remember every once in awhile to water, when they don't have anything better to do. Or like the little mouse that lives in their house, that they know exists but do not care to give any attention or thought to. It sounds harsh, but it is a reality unfortunately that sometimes we give all our heart, our time and put our efforts into someone who really doesn't deserve it. They remember you when they need something, when the people they actually care about are busy or when you are making continuous efforts to communicate and give them time. A small part of them actually does care but when it comes time to show you they care, they fail to or simply don't want to. Then you are left feeling like an empty turtle shell, that needs a home but cannot find the person to fill that void. The problem is you can chase after this person or people all day but if they cannot prove and show what you give into the relationship, your efforts will always be wasted.
The first thing you can do is think about is it worth the constant heartache, the feeling of putting all your coins into a machine hoping for a prize in return but coming home empty handed. Do you mind that you are always the one reaching out to this person, helping them and caring for them but you do not see the same efforts given to you. It is frustrating being the only one who is showing love and affection, giving everything you have time and time again only to be disappointed. You really have to evaluate whether you can keep up this act, can you keep pretending it is okay that they don't return even the smallest of favors or feelings you have given them. Relationships should not be one sided, it cannot be one person doing everything for the other, the bare minimum should be that the person returns the same feelings and emotions you have shown them. Not just through words but also actions.
Not everyone has the same love language and show affection the same way but if they are at least showing love in their own way, that is an effort. If they only hit you up every once in awhile and aren't there for you like you are there for them, it is time for you to distance yourself before you become resentful and hateful towards this person. Distance and time can make you realize you are pushing yourself too much for someone who doesn't even care at all. Your efforts and love should go towards someone who will be there for you in the same way you are there for them. Who when you need them they are there, just like you would be there for them.
Your mental health is taking the time to spend with people who understand, appreciate and show that they want to be a part of your life. Self care is huge and that even includes distancing and sometimes all together getting rid of toxic and stressful relationships. You deserve what you put out into the world, and if you are putting love, positivity and respect to anyone and everyone, you should get the same back. Remember your self worth and how you deserve to be treated, you are the sun that gives sunshine and life to those around you. Allah will always protect and help us when we ask for people in our lives that are good for us and meant to be positive role models, influencing us to be better.
It comes with age and with age comes wisdom, people do not always come into our lives to stay in our lives. Sometimes they appear for a short period of time to teach us a lesson, to make us sad, angry or confused but then later on it all makes sense. They were never meant to be a permanent part of your life, they just helped add to the growth of your character. Even if the short time you experienced their presence was happy and blissful, their appearance was not for long because they were simply a short term blessing.
A short term blessing? How does that even make sense. Well in my head, it is something or someone that is around temporarily, it could even be a job, program or relationship, that after it is done and gone, you realize that the ups and downs of your emotions are gone, you feel more at peace and complete. This short term blessing was only around to help you realize you can live without this, it was only brought into your life by Allah to make you appreciate what you do have or what could be in your future. It was there to push you to become more self reliant, notice the warning signs, and to give you a bigger understanding of what is and is not important to keep your mental health in check.
Short term blessings can be a good thing, they are not always negative. When they are over though, you realize you can move on without feeling so empty and emotionally drained. The blessing was meant to give you something you already had inside of yourself, it just needed encouragement and an outside source to bring it out into the open. I have to give credit to even the people who have hurt me or taken advantage of me, those people may have harmed me in some way, but I grew to learn to stay away from those types of people and to be more tough. To speak up when I feel uncomfortable or disrespected. If it were not for those people, I would have had to learn an even more difficult lesson in a more chaotic way. They may have caused me to shed tears or lose hope, or feel very small and unintelligent but through this process I learned to stand firm and remember Allah will be there for me. To remember that even if the person who wronged me does not get back the pain they dealt to me in this life, that Allah will seek justice on my behalf or on anyone's behalf who was hurt by another in the hereafter. It gives me comfort and the freedom to let go of any anger or pain because I can hand over my burdens and problems to Allah and seek help through patience, prayer and caring companions.
So on the subject at hand, making people a priority when sometimes you aren't even a blip on their radar. You are more like the plant in their home, they remember every once in awhile to water, when they don't have anything better to do. Or like the little mouse that lives in their house, that they know exists but do not care to give any attention or thought to. It sounds harsh, but it is a reality unfortunately that sometimes we give all our heart, our time and put our efforts into someone who really doesn't deserve it. They remember you when they need something, when the people they actually care about are busy or when you are making continuous efforts to communicate and give them time. A small part of them actually does care but when it comes time to show you they care, they fail to or simply don't want to. Then you are left feeling like an empty turtle shell, that needs a home but cannot find the person to fill that void. The problem is you can chase after this person or people all day but if they cannot prove and show what you give into the relationship, your efforts will always be wasted.
The first thing you can do is think about is it worth the constant heartache, the feeling of putting all your coins into a machine hoping for a prize in return but coming home empty handed. Do you mind that you are always the one reaching out to this person, helping them and caring for them but you do not see the same efforts given to you. It is frustrating being the only one who is showing love and affection, giving everything you have time and time again only to be disappointed. You really have to evaluate whether you can keep up this act, can you keep pretending it is okay that they don't return even the smallest of favors or feelings you have given them. Relationships should not be one sided, it cannot be one person doing everything for the other, the bare minimum should be that the person returns the same feelings and emotions you have shown them. Not just through words but also actions.
Not everyone has the same love language and show affection the same way but if they are at least showing love in their own way, that is an effort. If they only hit you up every once in awhile and aren't there for you like you are there for them, it is time for you to distance yourself before you become resentful and hateful towards this person. Distance and time can make you realize you are pushing yourself too much for someone who doesn't even care at all. Your efforts and love should go towards someone who will be there for you in the same way you are there for them. Who when you need them they are there, just like you would be there for them.
Your mental health is taking the time to spend with people who understand, appreciate and show that they want to be a part of your life. Self care is huge and that even includes distancing and sometimes all together getting rid of toxic and stressful relationships. You deserve what you put out into the world, and if you are putting love, positivity and respect to anyone and everyone, you should get the same back. Remember your self worth and how you deserve to be treated, you are the sun that gives sunshine and life to those around you. Allah will always protect and help us when we ask for people in our lives that are good for us and meant to be positive role models, influencing us to be better.
May Allah provide us with loving, caring, respectful and God fearing companions and spouses! Ameen!
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