Dealing with Death: The Inevitable
Its been about two weeks since my great grandma passed, and there's not much I can even explain. I feel like a part of me is like, should I be more sad? Then part of me thinks that it doesn't seem like she is really gone, I used to see her and she would make dua for me and smile and laugh even though we couldn't communicate. I remember when I was little and sad, she would bring me pieces of candy when I lived with her. She has been around as long as I can start remembering my life in Minnesota and as an adult I often thought she could outlive me. Young people can be reckless and just because someone is young doesn't mean their time on Earth will be long.
I have thought often how about tough she was, she was born in Ethiopia and had a life there, then she came to America and has been here since I was little, most likely over 20 years. She was strong because she made it through so much, she was determined, strong in her faith and persevered. She made it to see my youngest cousin be born and not many people can say they knew their great grandma and met her while she was live. I had the blessing to be there while she was alive and know her the best I could, hold her hand and hug her and communicate the best way I could.
There is no right way to grieve. Some people show grief through tears, some through anger and some just continue their lives seemingly unaffected by the loss. I know for me as much as I loved my great grandma because we didn't speak the same language, we weren't as close we we could have been. I could have made more of an effort to be there physically and emotionally for her. Either way dealing with a loss sometimes there isn't always sadness all the time. The grief hit mostly being around my family and seeing them sad. My mother and grandmother were closer to her so they were affected the most.
This was the first time someone close to me had passed. I had often thought that I was blessed in that sense, some people have lost their parents, grandparents, siblings, their spouse and had a really hard time. How it was so hard for them because they were hoping to have that loved one alive and there with them for special moments like weddings, graduations, having children. How I could never relate to what it felt like to lose someone you love so much.
Even though I haven't experienced much death and grief, I can hold on to the lessons that death brings. I remember the day after she passed I looked up duas I can make for her since she has returned to her Lord and this is a dua you can make when visiting a grave or near a graveyard.
It is chilling but so real in the sense that you are not only saying peace be upon you, you are telling them I will be joining you soon. It is almost like a comfort to them knowing that they will have company with those they love and a reminder to ourselves, do not think we can escape death, our loved ones are gone and someday when Allah ordained it, we will join them.
I have thought often how about tough she was, she was born in Ethiopia and had a life there, then she came to America and has been here since I was little, most likely over 20 years. She was strong because she made it through so much, she was determined, strong in her faith and persevered. She made it to see my youngest cousin be born and not many people can say they knew their great grandma and met her while she was live. I had the blessing to be there while she was alive and know her the best I could, hold her hand and hug her and communicate the best way I could.
There is no right way to grieve. Some people show grief through tears, some through anger and some just continue their lives seemingly unaffected by the loss. I know for me as much as I loved my great grandma because we didn't speak the same language, we weren't as close we we could have been. I could have made more of an effort to be there physically and emotionally for her. Either way dealing with a loss sometimes there isn't always sadness all the time. The grief hit mostly being around my family and seeing them sad. My mother and grandmother were closer to her so they were affected the most.
This was the first time someone close to me had passed. I had often thought that I was blessed in that sense, some people have lost their parents, grandparents, siblings, their spouse and had a really hard time. How it was so hard for them because they were hoping to have that loved one alive and there with them for special moments like weddings, graduations, having children. How I could never relate to what it felt like to lose someone you love so much.
Even though I haven't experienced much death and grief, I can hold on to the lessons that death brings. I remember the day after she passed I looked up duas I can make for her since she has returned to her Lord and this is a dua you can make when visiting a grave or near a graveyard.
Assalaamu 'alaykum 'ahlad-diyaari, minal-mu'mineena walmuslimeena, wa 'innaa 'in shaa' Allaahu bikum laahiqoona [wa yarhamullaahul-mustaqdimeena minnaa walmusta'khireena] 'as'alullaaha lanaa wa lakumul- 'aafiyata.
Oh Muslims residing here, salaams on you, by the will of Allah we will also be coming to you. We seek safety for us and you.
It is chilling but so real in the sense that you are not only saying peace be upon you, you are telling them I will be joining you soon. It is almost like a comfort to them knowing that they will have company with those they love and a reminder to ourselves, do not think we can escape death, our loved ones are gone and someday when Allah ordained it, we will join them.
All I can do is make dua for her now and hope that because of the amazing things she did while alive that she made it into Jennah. That my family and I will join her In Sha Allah. That life is too short and appreciate people while they are around. Even if you get into an argument or disagreement with someone, do not let it be weeks, months or years without communicating and making up. Life won't be perfect but to the best of our ability try to keep in touch with family and friends and do our best for the community.
You don't want to have regrets when someone passes away or when you are getting really sick and on your deathbed. Spend less time being angry and more time being thankful, positive and patient even when dealing with people who are not the nicest.
I may not have been very close to my great grandma but I admire the impact she had on others. She made me learn to be kind, caring and patient. She made me realize the importance of keeping in touch with family and she is responsible for raising many generations of strong, tough women. Even in the community, the amount of people that knew her and cared about her and came to say their condolences was enormous.
May Allah grant ease to my great grandmother in the afterlife and grant her ease on the Day of Judgement and grant her into Jennah Tul Furdaus. May Allah forgive her sins and accept her good deeds. May Allah be with my family mourning her loss and May we also join her in Jennah.
May Allah ease the hearts, grant patience, support and love to anyone who has lost a loved one !
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