The Sacrificial Lamb
Hello Loves! I have been out of the country a few months and then came back and got straight into work, family and school duties so haven't been as itchy to write lately. This topic came up recently because of having a conversation with a young friend of mine and I really related to what she was going through. This was some of the advice I had recently sent to her and I thought about how when I was younger (if I wasn't so stubborn at the time) it would have been helpful to hear.
We were talking about how in some cultures who practice Islam, there is this belief that in life you are meant to be miserable. Making choices based on your own needs, wants and overall happiness is considered selfish. If you are in an unhappy marriage and even being abused, it is better to stay and deal with it than to be considered and labeled as a divorced, "used" woman. Because sadly some cultures, a woman who has been married before has been "tainted" and considered basically like leftovers.
Then there is this idea that we need to do whatever our parents want, if there were some things they did not accomplish in life, we then become the vessel to live out their dreams they never finished. If our parents want us to follow in their footsteps and take on a similar career or family business, we may not have a choice in the matter, and to go astray and create your own path is considered the ultimate betrayal.
And choosing your own spouse, the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with? Forget about it. In this idea of sacrifice and being miserable, you are not allowed to choose someone based on them making you happy. The idea of choosing someone (besides on character and religion) based on love is ridiculous, because someone else is chosen for you based on what your family wants.
Life is not without sacrifice, if someone becomes sick that you love, we sacrifice to take care of them and help them through any means necessary. When you are married or in a relationship, you make sacrifices to respect your partner (giving up going out with friends or compromising on choices). Our parents made sacrifices like school, work or other opportunities so of course we give our time, love and respect to them.
We experience hardship in this world to become closer to our Creator, to cleanse us of our sins and to teach us this world is temporary. The bad and the good will come because this life is short and our afterlife is forever.
Remember that those before us were tested even harsher than we were but that does not mean they did not have good times.
The Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) had the year of sadness were he lost two beloved people to him, but yet he was the one who smiled and laughed more than any other.
Do not feel guilty for making decisions that make you happy as long as you are not physically or mentally hurting anyone.
Parents may disapprove of our choices and may try to have us do what they want, but you are your own person, Allah gave you free will, you are capable and hopefully mature and sane enough to make decisions that will improve you into a better person.
Do what is best and what God approves of, and God will take care of family who do not approve or anyone else who is trying to push you to uncomfortable choices.
We were talking about how in some cultures who practice Islam, there is this belief that in life you are meant to be miserable. Making choices based on your own needs, wants and overall happiness is considered selfish. If you are in an unhappy marriage and even being abused, it is better to stay and deal with it than to be considered and labeled as a divorced, "used" woman. Because sadly some cultures, a woman who has been married before has been "tainted" and considered basically like leftovers.
Then there is this idea that we need to do whatever our parents want, if there were some things they did not accomplish in life, we then become the vessel to live out their dreams they never finished. If our parents want us to follow in their footsteps and take on a similar career or family business, we may not have a choice in the matter, and to go astray and create your own path is considered the ultimate betrayal.
And choosing your own spouse, the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with? Forget about it. In this idea of sacrifice and being miserable, you are not allowed to choose someone based on them making you happy. The idea of choosing someone (besides on character and religion) based on love is ridiculous, because someone else is chosen for you based on what your family wants.
Some people go along because they feel they have no choice, staying in a bad relationship, being told what to do and where to go and how to live, they are taught to believe their family has that right. To direct them and move them as if they are the puppets in a show.
Speaking on my experience as a woman, and what other women have gone through, we do sacrifice in terms of making choices, helping the family and putting children first. Sometimes women are seen as not capable of making decisions so their parents and partners feel like they must do everything for them. They do not allow them to be educated, get married, or live on their own because they want that control and power over everything they do.
This is not to say fathers and men do not sacrifice but because of their tougher upbringing they do not rely on emotion to feel like they always must do what others say in order to be accepted and treated well. When we say no to what is requested of us, there comes the guilt, feeling like we are being disrespectful, not showing kindness and dishonoring those who have taken care of us. Those who should be guiding us to the right decisions and think they know best our futures and lives.
It’s not about being selfish because women we have this need to be this sacrificial lamb.
We sacrifice by spending hours in the kitchen cooking or cleaning clothes or cleaning the house and picking up after others.
Pleasing our parents and even extended relatives who think they have a say in what you do in your life.
And we do it when we have children as well sacrifice our time and put their needs first.
So apparently us choosing a man based on mutual attraction , respect and kindness is wrong ?
Our whole lives are not meant to keep sacrificing and pleasing others.
We should not have to give up on our goals and dreams to make others happy.
Your happiness comes first !
Life is not without sacrifice, if someone becomes sick that you love, we sacrifice to take care of them and help them through any means necessary. When you are married or in a relationship, you make sacrifices to respect your partner (giving up going out with friends or compromising on choices). Our parents made sacrifices like school, work or other opportunities so of course we give our time, love and respect to them.
We experience hardship in this world to become closer to our Creator, to cleanse us of our sins and to teach us this world is temporary. The bad and the good will come because this life is short and our afterlife is forever.
Remember that those before us were tested even harsher than we were but that does not mean they did not have good times.
The Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) had the year of sadness were he lost two beloved people to him, but yet he was the one who smiled and laughed more than any other.
Do not feel guilty for making decisions that make you happy as long as you are not physically or mentally hurting anyone.
Parents may disapprove of our choices and may try to have us do what they want, but you are your own person, Allah gave you free will, you are capable and hopefully mature and sane enough to make decisions that will improve you into a better person.
Do what is best and what God approves of, and God will take care of family who do not approve or anyone else who is trying to push you to uncomfortable choices.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY AND YOU ARE NOT SELFISH.
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