Abandonment Injury

 Asalam aleyküm everyone.

One thing that I wanted to work on with myself is my mental health. For the longest time, it had been suggested to me to go to therapy. I always told myself I was happy, I wasn't depressed and only people with serious mental health issues needed therapy. I have always been an emotional and sensitive person so I would often be crying if I was frustrated, stressed, angry or hurt. When we were in quarantine and there was a lot of down time, it got me thinking about all the things I need to improve on, that would lead to higher confidence and self-esteem and overall make me a more successful person in life. It was a great time to start therapy, since the sessions were remote , I preferred the video sessions to real life.

    

One thing I learned throughout my sessions, is that I do tend to have issues with anxiety and getting overwhelmed easily. Talking to my therapist has been helpful not only to vent my feelings and about my past, current situations and worries about the future but also being given skills, encouragement and motivation to find ways to self soothe. We can't always rely on people to be there when we need them, so having a therapist and finding ways to deal with emotions is useful so we don't go into full panic mode and breakdown.

Writing is one way that I can put down my thoughts and feelings, I also try to spend time with loved ones and make art through painting, coloring and crafting. Once you put your thoughts down it takes a huge lift off your shoulders. Having Islam and understanding God is there for us even when we feel alone does make me feel blessed knowing that He created me and knows I am capable of pushing through hard times.

One major thing I learned is what my therapist called an abandonment injury, when you have been abandoned by someone it can have long lasting effects. It makes me fearful of being ignored, ghosted and I often feel unwanted and sometimes unworthy of love and attention. It is difficult being in my mid twenties and realizing the reason I am this way is because of my childhood experiences. I always felt like I had overcome it, that it didn't bother me and I was strong enough with or without people. I think we like to tell ourselves things don't bother us so that we don't show our weaknesses or have to explain why we are hurt.

It is one thing when someone is absent from your life because they are in a far country without any form of contacting people or they are dead. When someone is alive and living, pays attention to other people and just acknowledges you every few years. It makes you feel like in their world you don't exist and they reach out only because of guilt and maybe encouragement from other people. It really is something that is hurtful, being ignored and only remembered occasionally. 

I am learning how to set boundaries and be honest with how I feel, as nice as I am and as respectful as I want to be, is it better to confront people for their lack of accountability and responsibility. I am hoping I continue to build on skills to protect myself and help others understand to not that they cannot come in and out of my life as they please.

Take care everyone!