Battling loneliness

There are moments were I get in this funk, I want to be alone and not around anyone and just lay in bed all day and just watch episodes of Friends. It’s like I want to be alone but at the same time I want someone’s company. It’s not even necessarily like wanting to be wih anyone romantically it’s more like trying to figure out if I can handle being around friends or if being myself is better. 

I’ve always been the lone wolf type, I’ve been living on my own the last four years , and even if you have roommates which I do, I’ve mostly kept to myself , hid in my room, and avoided conversation as much as possible. Which is funny because I used to love being around people and always after work and on weekends would spend time with friends as much as I could. Now it’s the opposite where I would rather spend a whole day alone rather than a whole day with others.

I think part of it is , as you get older your attitude towards others changes. I’ve been the type that I throw myself into my work and then I don’t give myself much time for a social life. When you work so much then you don’t have energy to be around other people. After a long day you just want to curl into bed and watch mindless TV and eat unhealthy food. Then it becomes a habit where when you are around others you get annoyed of them after a few hours and crave the peace and quiet you have being alone. 

Don’t get me wrong there’s so much you learn from spending time on your own and by being by yourself you learn to love who you are. If you’re always wanting to be around others and being alone scares you it can be unhealthy. When you’re alone you can reflect, think about your emotions and feelings, and plan for the future and work on your goals and ideas. When I’m alone I often make plans to have adventures even if they’re by myself , I write and think of plans to make be a better person or educate myself. It’s healthy to have time for yourself to be able to do self care like face masks, hair care and cook and clean. When you’re on your own you also realize good or bad habits you have and try to work on them ! If you have a hard time being alone it can affect your own happiness in other relationships in your life because you will look for them to provide and to depend on them for emotional gratification. It’s good to have people you love make you happy but they can’t be around you all the time even if they’re a spouse or a partner, you will need space or be apart sometimes. 

But on the other hand , too much alone time can be damaging to your emotional health, you don’t have an outlet to discuss  your feelings , issues you’re dealing with , and to just talk about your life.  I’ve realized that I do have people like that in my life but they can’t always be there and to sometimes look for other outlets to distract myself from feeling lonely or alone. I have been trying to get better with my health and fitness goals so that’s been useful for distracting me , doing workouts or looking for more ways to eat healthy. Writing has been another way for me to get rid of any pent up feelings or stress I’m dealing with , it gives me a way to write down my thoughts and if I’m blogging about it and anyone else is dealing with similar situations I know I’m not alone in the world. 

I believe with my spirituality I can improve and part of me being lonely is that my relationship with God hasn’t been the best. I know when I’m doing more to become closer to God and to learn more about religion that those feelings are hardly there. To fill your heart with that which pleases your creator does give you satisfaction and contentment in your heart. Because no money or friends can replace what God provides and helps us to overcome. I’m working on getting myself more motivated to keep up that relationship because when you have God you feel so much happier even when things are difficult in life. You feel secure because you know He’s there and understanding of what you are experiencing and talking with Him through prayer you have someone always there for you.  

So I guess through this post I’m saying if you feel alone sometimes there’s people around who care and sometimes you have to own up to the fact that you need them around for you. Sometimes the first part of getting better when you are having these empty feelings is admitting you need help. Sometimes it requires getting professional help like therapy because having  third party listen to your problems can provide better solutions than dumping your issues on someone who knows you. 

I am working to get better and I hope if you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD or any other mental health issues that God gives you the support and help you need. Even if it’s mot as serious as depression and it’s loneliness it can get more serious if we aren’t taking steps to get better.

Take care of yourself loves ❤️