Having the Right Friends, You are Who Your Friends Are

Asalam alaykum loves! The days are flying by in Ramadan MashAllah Allahumma Barik! May Allah make it easy for us all, accept our good deeds, help us to obtain the reward of Layl Tul Qadr, and help us maintain habits past Ramadan and even make it to another Ramadan! Allahumma Ameen!

So I came across some verses in Surah Tul Furqan and it got me thinking a lot about the friendships in my life now and in the past, how they have impacted me positively and negatively. Lately I have been spending a lot of time on my own but on the occasion I do venture out of my little cave, there are only certain people I can find myself around who I know understand me and add value to my life.

The verses are as follows, Surah Furqan 27-29:

"And the Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands [in regret] he will say, "Oh, I wish I had taken with the Messenger a way."

"Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend."

"He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter."

You know I don't know about you guys, but I do not like to look back at my choices and say Oh man I wish I hadn't done that. I think in life we sin and screw up, but as long as we come to our senses and realize oh this is not good for me, I should change and repent and better myself. In Sha Allah all is well. BUT imagine on the Day of Judgment, there is no going back and asking for a redo. It is too late for you to realize that there could've been a better way for you to live your life. You don't want to feel that regret or that pain in your heart, change while you are still alive, to help yourself.

I think people come into our lives for a reason, whether to show us what not to do, teach us a lesson or add something to our lives, like companionship and love and reminders of Allah. Sometimes people leave our lives for a reason as well. I have realized I have had friends in the past who did not treat me the best, who might have taken advantage of me or (it's not their fault) lead me astray from Islam. I think in all of these friendships, they were either not true friends to me or even if they were friends, in my heart, a part of me knew that they would not last. When I was in high school, I was not practicing because I did not have any Muslim friends, there were only 3 Muslims in the whole high school and I wasn't exactly friends with them. I had a group of friends that I hangout with who were not Muslim and I remember thinking even when I was with them and hanging out and having fun that something was missing. I felt lonely, like I did not belong and I knew that I never would.

Once it was time to graduate and chose where to go to college, I knew I had a choice to make. I could go to the local college which was closeby but the cycle of being stuck in an environment where I was not happy would continue. So I chose to go to a college that was farther away, that actually took me over 2 hours to get to by bus, but I was happier because I found Muslim friends and an environment where I felt like I belonged and I did not have to pretend to be something I was not. I think it is not enough to surround yourself with those that say that they are Muslim, obviously it requires you to put in the effort as well to fear Allah and obey Allah, but you also want to surround yourself with Muslims who you get along with, who care about your well being in this life and the hereafter.

Now, I can say these friends are not easy to find, even me personally at 24 years old, can only think of one individual who has remained a close friend for years, and whether we moved away from each other or got busy with our own lives, they still checked on me and asked how I was doing, and gave me genuine advice and reminders. So going out finding friends like these, for some people they have known someone like this since they were very small or maybe they have a sibling or cousin they are close with that is their close friend. But for some people it can take years of trial and error to discover a true friend who will guide you closer to Allah, help you realize your mistakes and be there for you in times of grief, hardship and celebrate with you during your successful moments and support you.

I guess the point I was trying to get to and what inspired this post, is we do not want to be amongst those mentioned in these verses. We don't want to make excuses on the Day of Judgment saying, why did I let this person distract me or lead me away from the Deen? I think at some point we have all fallen into haram (May Allah forgive us and keep us away from these sins) and it may have been because friends around you were doing something and you felt peer pressure to join in or you were curious because it was something you have never tried. If you stop and look back at those moments or even if it something you currently engage in, do you remember that Allah is watching us always? If the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) was alive would he be pleased with this act? Is this something that will benefit you in the afterlife? Will this affect your health, whether physical or emotional? Is this friend worried or concerned about whether you end up in Paradise or the Hellfire?

Around a year ago, I had to slowly let go of some friends because they were influencing me to do some things I was not proud of. Again I do not blame them at all, they do not practice the same faith as I do, so I cannot expect them to tell me or warm me not to do something because we do not have the same values and beliefs. I did not cut them off completely, I still am friends with them on social media, I just realized when they asked me to hangout, I knew I wouldn't be comfortable with what would be going on and I would have to refuse. Eventually people understand that you have changed and want to become more God fearing and practice your faith and they move on with their lives. It is not out of hatred that you separate out of each others lives, it is the opposite, out of love and understanding. You have to do what is best for you and think of the people in your life, how they are benefiting and adding to your life. Companionship is important but the right companions are the best. 

I found some other verses that mention friendship and the Day of Judgment.

Surah Az-Zukhruf 66-69:

"Are they waiting except for the Hour to come upon them suddenly while they perceive not?"

"Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous"

"[To whom Allah will say], "O My servants, no fear will there be concerning you this Day, nor will you grieve,"

"[You] who believed in Our verses and were Muslims."

These verses also put value on the importance of having the right kind of friends, on the Day of Judgment everyone will not care about each other even family and mothers and children. But "except for the righteous", they will remember and ask about each other even if they are in Jennah and do not see their friends in there with them. May Allah make us among the righteous who care about the well being of our friends and who stick together on the Day of Judgment.

"Surely the people of Jannah when they enter Jannah and they don’t find those companions of theirs who were with them upon good in this world, then verily they will ask Allaah Azza wa Jall and they will say:

” يارب لنا إخوان كانوا يصلون معنا و يصومون معنا لم نرهم
“O Rabb we have brothers who used to pray salaah and fast with us, we do not see them!”

And Hassan Basree (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Have lots of believing friends because they will be able to intercede for you on the day of qiyaamah”.

Ibnul Jawzi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
إن لم تجدوني في الجنة بينكم ، فاسألوا عني فقولوا : ياربنا عبدك فلان كان يذكرنا بك !!! ثم بكى رحمه الله رحمة واسعة
“If you don’t find me with you in Jannah then ask about me, so you should say ‘O our Rabb! your slave so-and-so used to remind us about you’!! then he started weeping.

And I ask you… If you don’t find me in Jannah then ask about me, because I reminded you of Allaah even if it was only for one moment.

اللهم نسألك رفقة خيرٍ تعيننا على طاعتك
من درر اﻹمام الشافعي رحمه الله
“Oh Allaah, we ask you for good friends those who will help us in your obedience.”

Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2378

May Allah bring us righteous friends who guide us towards what Allah loves and what pleases Allah, that reminds us of our mistakes gently and helps us grow as better Muslims, May we be beneficial friends who remember our friends in our duas and who also gently remind them and also ask about them if we make it to Jennah. Ameen.

Sources: https://www.islamicboard.com/, https://abuaminaelias.com