Am I a Failure?
Asalam alaykum guys, good afternoon or morning or night depending on where in the world you are, I hope you are all in the best state of physical and mental health! You know yesterday I got home after a night of shopping and eating, thinking to myself wow you messed up today. And no not because I spent too much at the mall, which yeah I kinda did but I also never shop for myself. I mean in terms of turning to Allah, I am one of those people that tells myself oh tomorrow I'll do it, oh tomorrow I will make sure it was better than yesterday. But what usually ends up happening?
You guessed it, I don't improve and continue to make the same mistakes. I don't even want to blame Shaytan for this because I know if I push myself hard enough I am capable of accomplishing a lot, I have so many goals I am working towards in this dunya that I put the time, effort and lack of sleep into, but what about my hereafter? Why is it so easy to ignore what brings me closer to Allah?
It's a lot of things, lack of motivation, sometimes lack of support, but also just your inner self telling you oh just sleep instead of pray, oh commit this sin, you can just repent after, oh listen to this music, it can't hurt, it won't harm you. It's like this battle within yourself, which yes Shaytan contributes to by whispering in your ear and you allow yourself to listen and trust that voice.
What I am working on is the voice that tells me, tomorrow is not guaranteed, why wait until tomorrow when you can fix this today, why let yourself continue to sink into the quicksand to the point where you can't get out, dig yourself out of that hole, do not be lazy, do not miss what can make you become a better human being, a better Muslim and someone who frequently fears Allah.
I have my moments where I am continuously working and getting better and then it's like a rollercoaster ride, I am on the high drops, where I am feeling light hearted and safe, and then WHAM, you fall screaming and trying to figure out what happened. And that will definitely happen, periods where you think you are doing alright, you are doing what you are supposed to, accomplishing goals and feeling like okay I can do this, but then you go right back to where you started, confused, lazy and dumbfounded. Iman levels will go up and down like this rollercoaster.
The main thing is finding those triggers those things that make you want to go away from doing what is right, because in the end the mandatory act of worship are not for Allah, they are for us, they are what bring us a peace of mind, they are what give us that reward, that like daily therapy we all need. So if we abandon or miss it, it is us that suffers, us that feels sad and alone. Think about a day where you didn't do your best for the Sake of Allah and a day where you where continuously remembering Allah and doing deeds for His Sake, did you notice a difference in how you felt? I bet you did!
If you want to get better, which I do, and I know what I need to do, but I need the action not just the intention. Don't let yourself give up, you want to feel spiritually connected and accomplished.
Here is a poem a wrote last night:
Why do you even bother , why do you even try,
You guessed it, I don't improve and continue to make the same mistakes. I don't even want to blame Shaytan for this because I know if I push myself hard enough I am capable of accomplishing a lot, I have so many goals I am working towards in this dunya that I put the time, effort and lack of sleep into, but what about my hereafter? Why is it so easy to ignore what brings me closer to Allah?
It's a lot of things, lack of motivation, sometimes lack of support, but also just your inner self telling you oh just sleep instead of pray, oh commit this sin, you can just repent after, oh listen to this music, it can't hurt, it won't harm you. It's like this battle within yourself, which yes Shaytan contributes to by whispering in your ear and you allow yourself to listen and trust that voice.
What I am working on is the voice that tells me, tomorrow is not guaranteed, why wait until tomorrow when you can fix this today, why let yourself continue to sink into the quicksand to the point where you can't get out, dig yourself out of that hole, do not be lazy, do not miss what can make you become a better human being, a better Muslim and someone who frequently fears Allah.
I have my moments where I am continuously working and getting better and then it's like a rollercoaster ride, I am on the high drops, where I am feeling light hearted and safe, and then WHAM, you fall screaming and trying to figure out what happened. And that will definitely happen, periods where you think you are doing alright, you are doing what you are supposed to, accomplishing goals and feeling like okay I can do this, but then you go right back to where you started, confused, lazy and dumbfounded. Iman levels will go up and down like this rollercoaster.
The main thing is finding those triggers those things that make you want to go away from doing what is right, because in the end the mandatory act of worship are not for Allah, they are for us, they are what bring us a peace of mind, they are what give us that reward, that like daily therapy we all need. So if we abandon or miss it, it is us that suffers, us that feels sad and alone. Think about a day where you didn't do your best for the Sake of Allah and a day where you where continuously remembering Allah and doing deeds for His Sake, did you notice a difference in how you felt? I bet you did!
If you want to get better, which I do, and I know what I need to do, but I need the action not just the intention. Don't let yourself give up, you want to feel spiritually connected and accomplished.
Here is a poem a wrote last night:
Why do you even bother , why do you even try,
I sit here and ask myself why ,
The days I know I failed ,
The days I know the mandatory I bailed,
What’s the point you messed up,
There’s no glass empty , you filled that cup,
It’s over flowing to the brim,
With every time you acted on a whim,
Committing sin after sin,
And by giving up Shayan took that win.
Stop. take a breath, remember.
Allah said even if your sins reached the clouds And you asked for forgiveness , He would forgive you .
Because in order to be a Muslim that’s true,
Repentance and striving , do not let yourself become blue.
Beause the reminders are endless , just search for a word,
In Surah Hud it says oh my people ask forgiveness of your Lord,
And repent to Him, He will send rain from the sky upon you in showers and increase you in strength ,
So maybe this has reached its length ,
But anytime you feel like you done messed up and you’re ashamed to turn to the Creator,
There’s still time to improve , as long as you’re alive , don’t tell yourself wait until later.
And find the Youtube Video Where I Performed it: https://youtu.be/7jgq9A-H41M
May Allah help myself and others constantly remember and fear Allah, May we be among those who are always trying to get better for His Sake, repenting and pushing yourself to ignore Shaytan and your desires that are harmful, May we keep praying and doing good deeds and having the intention along with the action to become better Muslims. Ameen!
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