Remaining Positive : Being Your Own Worst Enemy
Asalam alaykum loves, it has been awhile! I have been meaning to write so much lately, but sometimes even when I have the ideas I don't have the energy or time. I hope you are all well, May Allah increase you in Eman, Rizq and put Barakah in your time! May any difficulties you experience be a means for you to become closer to Allah and to expiate and cleanse you of your sins!
I was asked recently about how I remain positive and tips in general to keep the pep in your step. I remember telling this individual some advice but also telling them that I think what I post on social media makes me appear more positive than I actually am. If you asked my mom, she would be like yeah this girl can be so negative when it comes to certain situations especially when she is frustrated. And its true, I think I can be down on myself especially when others don't agree with my choices or make me feel down or upset. I have the tendency to be like well I guess I suck or I don't deserve this or I guess I should give up or that I am not good enough for this.
I think we all tend to have this mindset especially when we are let down when we expect people to support us and back us up. You are expecting a certain person to do something or a situation to play out a certain way and when it doesn't you blame yourself for having expectations or trusting that it would work out the way you planned.
I also have this tendency even when I am sad or mad or frustrated that I try to pretend like nothing happened. I may vent a little to another person but I don't like to dwell too much on what happened to keep reminding myself of how I felt. I also get over things quick so I am usually able to bounce back pretty quickly and not stay upset for long. I know some people are different and it usually takes them longer to forgive or no longer be mad.
I think part of what helps me stay positive is to focus energy elsewhere after an argument or after feeling sad or disappointed about something. Asking someone about their problems and issues and focusing on trying to help them gives you temporary time away from what is going on with you. This does not mean avoid the difficulties in your own life and never take time time to process it or solve it. It just means giving yourself a break from those thoughts and feelings.
My friend once said to me when I post certain things she feels like what I say is often what I need to hear myself. I think what most people do is give others advice and we want to cheer them on, give them inspiration and support but when it comes to ourselves we are our own worst enemies. So you may see someone posting and being all happy and inspirational but it can be the opposite of what they are feeling on the inside. I think we want to protect ourselves from sharing what is really going on because honestly bad moments should be kept private especially when involving relationships with family, friends or significant others. Once you resolve that situation it looks bad when you were just complaining about it online.
Nevertheless, I think it is okay to sometimes reveal you are having a bad day or difficult time with close individuals who you know will lend a listening ear, be supportive in their comments and not reveal what you let them know to anyone else. We don't have to pretend like we are okay all the time, strike a healthy balance of showing the good and bad days because you are human and it is okay to say, hey talk to me and cheer me up or hey please distract me from the awful day I had'. People will understand that you need a pick me up and put your attention elsewhere.
The Deen has always helped me remain positive as well, remembering that Allah will give me what is meant for me and what is best for me at the right time when I am in most of need it. Remembering what the Prophet Muhammed (Peace be Upon Him) told us, to look at those less fortunate than us when we feel like we don't have enough, to remind ourselves of the blessings we have and to look at those above us in character and religion to push ourselves to be like them.
Then there is also the fact looking at the Prophet Muhammad's life, how he experienced times of sadness, losing children, his wife, family members and companions. How he (Peace Be Upon Him) experienced hatred and abuse by the very community he grew up in. How despite all these hardships he still worshiped Allah and spread the message of Islam and believed he should be a grateful slave to Allah Subhana Wa Tala. He gives me inspiration because he has always been the perfect balance in how he practiced religion and how he dressed or took care of others. He was the perfect balance of sad and happy as well, he was not afraid to cry or show emotion and at the same time he was often seen smiling.
So you can strike a balance and have moments where you feel down about something that occurred in your life especially when it is something hard like a betrayal or loss of a job or health or loved ones. Those situations aren't going to be a one time sadness thing, it will take time to heal from it and get over the initial feelings and shock you felt. Allow yourself to process your feelings and be sad and emotional just don't let yourself become overwhelmed and despair. Remember with Allah we have hope and mercy that He will forgive our sins but also fear that our sins can outweigh our good deeds. Striking that balance keeps you on your toes and reminds you to not get too comfortable or arrogant thinking everything we do will be accepted BUT also keep trying and know that Allah is the Most Gracious and Most Merciful. That keeps our Eman in check and should also keep our attitudes and outlook on life in check because there is a balance of being positive and feeling negative.
One last thing in regards to staying positive, surround yourself with people who have a similar outlook like you do. Being around someone who complains and doesn't try to fix their own situations or try to look at the good side of things can make you feel worse about life. We adopt the mindset of those around us so don't let people who want to bring others down and bring you down affect how you feel. Sometimes it is inevitable you will come across individuals who behave this way because they could be family members or coworkers or members of the community you have to see or worj with often. They key is not letting the way they talk and how they see the world affect you by limiting your time around them and reminding yourself not to let what they say bother you.
I was asked recently about how I remain positive and tips in general to keep the pep in your step. I remember telling this individual some advice but also telling them that I think what I post on social media makes me appear more positive than I actually am. If you asked my mom, she would be like yeah this girl can be so negative when it comes to certain situations especially when she is frustrated. And its true, I think I can be down on myself especially when others don't agree with my choices or make me feel down or upset. I have the tendency to be like well I guess I suck or I don't deserve this or I guess I should give up or that I am not good enough for this.
I think we all tend to have this mindset especially when we are let down when we expect people to support us and back us up. You are expecting a certain person to do something or a situation to play out a certain way and when it doesn't you blame yourself for having expectations or trusting that it would work out the way you planned.
I also have this tendency even when I am sad or mad or frustrated that I try to pretend like nothing happened. I may vent a little to another person but I don't like to dwell too much on what happened to keep reminding myself of how I felt. I also get over things quick so I am usually able to bounce back pretty quickly and not stay upset for long. I know some people are different and it usually takes them longer to forgive or no longer be mad.
I think part of what helps me stay positive is to focus energy elsewhere after an argument or after feeling sad or disappointed about something. Asking someone about their problems and issues and focusing on trying to help them gives you temporary time away from what is going on with you. This does not mean avoid the difficulties in your own life and never take time time to process it or solve it. It just means giving yourself a break from those thoughts and feelings.
My friend once said to me when I post certain things she feels like what I say is often what I need to hear myself. I think what most people do is give others advice and we want to cheer them on, give them inspiration and support but when it comes to ourselves we are our own worst enemies. So you may see someone posting and being all happy and inspirational but it can be the opposite of what they are feeling on the inside. I think we want to protect ourselves from sharing what is really going on because honestly bad moments should be kept private especially when involving relationships with family, friends or significant others. Once you resolve that situation it looks bad when you were just complaining about it online.
Nevertheless, I think it is okay to sometimes reveal you are having a bad day or difficult time with close individuals who you know will lend a listening ear, be supportive in their comments and not reveal what you let them know to anyone else. We don't have to pretend like we are okay all the time, strike a healthy balance of showing the good and bad days because you are human and it is okay to say, hey talk to me and cheer me up or hey please distract me from the awful day I had'. People will understand that you need a pick me up and put your attention elsewhere.
The Deen has always helped me remain positive as well, remembering that Allah will give me what is meant for me and what is best for me at the right time when I am in most of need it. Remembering what the Prophet Muhammed (Peace be Upon Him) told us, to look at those less fortunate than us when we feel like we don't have enough, to remind ourselves of the blessings we have and to look at those above us in character and religion to push ourselves to be like them.
Then there is also the fact looking at the Prophet Muhammad's life, how he experienced times of sadness, losing children, his wife, family members and companions. How he (Peace Be Upon Him) experienced hatred and abuse by the very community he grew up in. How despite all these hardships he still worshiped Allah and spread the message of Islam and believed he should be a grateful slave to Allah Subhana Wa Tala. He gives me inspiration because he has always been the perfect balance in how he practiced religion and how he dressed or took care of others. He was the perfect balance of sad and happy as well, he was not afraid to cry or show emotion and at the same time he was often seen smiling.
So you can strike a balance and have moments where you feel down about something that occurred in your life especially when it is something hard like a betrayal or loss of a job or health or loved ones. Those situations aren't going to be a one time sadness thing, it will take time to heal from it and get over the initial feelings and shock you felt. Allow yourself to process your feelings and be sad and emotional just don't let yourself become overwhelmed and despair. Remember with Allah we have hope and mercy that He will forgive our sins but also fear that our sins can outweigh our good deeds. Striking that balance keeps you on your toes and reminds you to not get too comfortable or arrogant thinking everything we do will be accepted BUT also keep trying and know that Allah is the Most Gracious and Most Merciful. That keeps our Eman in check and should also keep our attitudes and outlook on life in check because there is a balance of being positive and feeling negative.
One last thing in regards to staying positive, surround yourself with people who have a similar outlook like you do. Being around someone who complains and doesn't try to fix their own situations or try to look at the good side of things can make you feel worse about life. We adopt the mindset of those around us so don't let people who want to bring others down and bring you down affect how you feel. Sometimes it is inevitable you will come across individuals who behave this way because they could be family members or coworkers or members of the community you have to see or worj with often. They key is not letting the way they talk and how they see the world affect you by limiting your time around them and reminding yourself not to let what they say bother you.
So in ending, I won't always be positive, you won't always be positive, cause you are not a smiling Robot. Try your best to push negativity away when it arises and leave the rest to Allah, stay blessed my loves!
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